The Space Between

I’m currently staring into the maw of a lion.

Well, a lion fireplace.

There is something strangely appropriate about that.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this strange space I seem to be standing in. The place between what was and whatever comes next. I am increasingly aware that my tech career may actually be over, or at the very least changing into something unrecognizable.

What feels strange is not the realization itself. In some ways, I think I have already started to accept it. What feels harder is the space that follows.

There is this vacant space between knowing something is probably happening and fully stepping into whatever comes next. I called it a block at first, but that does not feel quite right. A block feels solid, immovable. This feels more like fog. You know there is land somewhere ahead, but you cannot quite see where to place your feet.

The odd thing is that Discoastal and Particle Bunni are actually going really well. Better than I expected, honestly. The work feels meaningful. The collaboration feels meaningful. For the first time in a long time, I feel fulfilled by making things.

Yet this space between the pivot and whatever comes next still feels scary.

Not because I am afraid of failing. I have failed before. Most people who spend enough time making things eventually do.

The fear is quieter than that. It is the fear of not being able to provide for the person I love. Of moving toward something uncertain and getting it wrong.

That feeling is very real.

My partner has been nothing but supportive, even calling this potential transition “retirement.” I laugh when she says it, but there is probably something true in there too. Maybe this is less about ending something and more about becoming something else.

I do not really know how one bridges the space between reality and doubt. Between one version of yourself and another. So far, my answer has been simple: keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue the work.

Maybe that is enough for now.